


And my dreams turn to Nightmares (Dreamnotfound)

by OhMyGod573



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Boys In Love, Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Pining, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Unrequited Lust, YouTube, shy clay - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28085466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhMyGod573/pseuds/OhMyGod573
Summary: Sapnap shrugs. “You don’t have to pretend to be someone you don’t want to be, just pretend to be the person who you wish you were. I don’t know. Just think ‘bout it. It might make things easier for you tomorrow. But I’m going to go eat now. Goodnight man I’ll wake you up at 11 for recording.” He smiles and leaves the room, having no idea how he just completely fried Clays mind.---Clay tries to be who he wishes he were. In person he's nothing like what he pretends to be online.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), dream - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. The fuel

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing something like this so please be nice! If they ever say they're uncomfortable with fanfiction I won't hesitate to take this down! Please don't post my work anywhere else, and keep this a secret pls lol! I'm new at this!!!

Chapter 1

The fuel 

Clay has never been one to put himself out there. He’s not shy per say, but he just doesn’t like talking to people in person. Online is a whole different thing though. He’s a whole different person online. He can be whoever he wants. Although he’s not really an online person either, that’s why he chooses to try his best to stay hidden. His roommate and best friend though is a whole different...thing? Sapnap is a pretty outgoing person, in person and online. He makes a great streamer and Clay can’t help but feel pangs of jealousy when he sees how easy it is for him to talk to people. He feels the pangs as he lays in Sapnaps bed, watching him laugh while playing Minecraft and talking to his twitch chat as he livestreams. He forces himself to look away and just continues to scroll through twitter, adjusting the way he’s laying, trying to get more comfortable. Don’t be jealous. It’s not weird to be antisocial. He thinks. Right?

“Oh my gosh bad give me my sword back!” Sapnap laughs, looking over at his chat. “Chat calm down, It’s just my roommate in the back. Clay would you like to say hello?” Sapnap turns around for a second giving him a questioning glance.

His heart rate picks up and his eyes widen, can his chat see him? He thought he was off camera.

He clears his throat, “Uhm hello?” Nervously laughing he pulls himself up sitting against the cool wall, attempting to get as far away from the camera as possible. 

Sapnap looks back at his chat, and laughs at what he reads. “They’re saying you have nice feet.”

Clay laughs. “That’s all they saw right?” He asks, not being able to help the scared feeling that’s boiling up in his chest. 

“Yeah don’t worry dude, they could just barely see your feet.” Sap replies. “Clays the one who helps me edit my videos, and he helps me with my coding since I’m definitely not the best at it. He’s a real g.” He laughs and tries to get the chats attention off of clay, knowing how he feels about people paying too much attention to him. Clay laughs and turns back to his phone, trying to not think too much about what people think about his feet. 

Another hour goes by and Clay notices Sap ending his stream, thanking everyone for their donations. He quickly wraps it up and lets out a sigh, turning around in his chair to face dream. “My fans can be weird sometimes, sorry about that.” Sapnap laughs. He grabs his water bottle and takes a drink, waiting for Clays reply. 

“You’re completely sure they only saw my feet?” He asks, sitting his phone down. It’s not that he’s paranoid. It’s not.

“Yea don’t worry when I started streaming I made sure the camera couldn’t see you. You just moved around too much.” He explains. Clays heart starts to slow down, not going as fast as before. “Anyways,” Sapnap tried to change the subject. “You know bad right?”

“Well yeah, you were just streaming with him, he seems nice. Why?” Clay questions, sitting his phone down and crossing his legs, pulling himself forward..

“He was talking about his roommate, George, and they wanted to film a video with me. They had this really cool idea where one of us have to try to beat the game with the other two players trying to kill them.” He explains. “We just thought it would be better if we had two against two though, so that way it’d be more fair.” 

Clay raises his eyebrows confused. “Okay? So you’re going to collaborate with someone new? That’s cool.” He shrugs not really caring. 

Sapnap gets out of his chair and jumps on his bed, landing next to clay, looking at him with puppy dog eyes. Clay can already feel his heart sinking. “Well…” He drags out. “That’s actually where you come in.”

Clay starts to shake his head and say no but Sapnap puts his hand over Clays mouth, hushing him. Clay squints his eyes at him.

“Listen I know you hate that kind of stuff! But just hear me out!” Sapnap cries, removing his hand from Clays mouth. “I know that you’re really good at minecraft, you play it more than me! I need a good teammate, and plus it’s a good opportunity for you to meet bad and george! They always talk about how they need help with coding and editing and maybe this way you’ll be able to work for them and help them out when they need it. You need the work Clay! And more friends!” Sapnap argues.

Clays heart speeds up again. New people? New friends? They’re all streamers and have crazy amounts of subscribers, why would they want to be friends with someone like him? Maybe he could just work for them. He doesn’t want new friends. He could use the extra cash too. Clay thinks to himself. “Why can’t they just find someone else to work for them? Aren’t they like, more famous than you? It should be easy for them to find editors and stuff.” 

“Yeah but they’re used to doing most of the stuff themselves because that’s how they’ve always done it, but now that they have way more subscribers and fans their workload has gotten bigger. They just want a bit of help, it wouldn’t be that hard or too much work for you.” Sap explains. 

“I mean I do need the money and everything, but I don’t want to be like friends with them or anything. That’s too much for me.” He tried to laugh it off, hoping he didn’t sound like a complete loser. It’s just that he’s perfectly fine with the way things are now. He’s never been good with change. And filming a video with two popular creators is definitely a big change. 

“You don’t really need to be friends with them, but it wouldn’t kill you to try.” Sapnap rolls his eyes at Clay. “The video will be fun! It won’t be streaming or anything so you won’t be in front of thousands of people. You don’t even have to show your face! It’ll be fun please?” He begs.

“Talking to new people is scary though. I almost had a heart attack just saying hello to your chat!” Clay argues. Why him god? Why’d he have to be given Sapnap as a best friend? He mopes. 

“C’mon Clay! You can come up with a fake name and everything! Nobody will know it’s you. Don’t even think about it as recording a video, just think of it as us playing together like usual!”

“But It won't be just us. Two people who I don’t know will be there!” He cries, trying to undo the knots in his stomach. 

“You’re doing the video with me, I’m your bestie I know what’s best for you. Now let's go get some dinner. I'm starving.” Sapnap jumps out of his bed and leaves the room, not giving Clay a chance to even respond. Well, looks like he doesn’t get a say in it. He looks up to the ceiling. Why me god?


	2. What does dreaming feel like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay gets ready to meet some new people.

Chapter 2

What does dreaming feel like

A few days goes by, and Clay continues to try to talk Sapnap into finding another partner. It always ends the same way though.

“You’re the only person I want as my partner Clay. It’s been settled now shut up and go make me a sandwich.” Sapnap laughs while focusing on the movie infront of him. Clay stomps out of Sapnaps room in defeat once again. Tomorrow Clay will have to record a video with three people who have millions of people that love them. 

He goes into his bedroom and throws himself onto his bed, landing face first. How am I supposed to talk to them? They have no idea who I am and I know nothing about them. Can’t I just be left alone? The anxiety spikes in his chest and his heart rate speeds up. He takes deep breaths, telling himself to stop overthinking so much. He hears his bedroom door open and he turns his head to see Sapap walking in. He can’t help the groan that escapes his mouth as he forces himself to sit up. Clay raises his eyebrows, wondering what Sapnap could possibly want now. Maybe he found someone else to be his partner? He thinks hopefully, but knowing that probably isn’t the case. His heart rate slows down and his mind is now distracted on Sapnap.

“I never got my sandwich you jerk. You’re not a very good housewife.” Sapnap says and he sits in Clay's chair in front of his desk. Clay just rolls his eyes in response. “Listen man, I know you’re worried about tomorrow but it won’t be as bad as your head is telling you it’s going to be. I promise.” Sap tries to comfort Clay, feeling guilty for how much he’s been freaking out. But he knows Clay needs to put himself out there more. Even if he doesn’t want to.

“You don’t know that. They don’t know anything about me and I know nothing about them.” Clay says, voicing his thoughts from earlier. Sapnaps eyes widen as he thinks of an idea.

“Well, just because they don’t know you doesn’t mean they’re going to just hate you.” He laughs. “But I just had an idea! And don’t shoot it down until you hear the whole thing okay?” Sapnap looks pointedly at Clay. Clay just waits for Sapnap to tell him his idea, feeling too tired to deal with him right now. “I know you’re not an outgoing person or anything, but they don’t know that either. They know nothing about you. So if you really think about it, you could be whoever you want to be to them!” Sapnap explains, trying his best to make sense. 

Clays eyebrows just draw together, confused on what Sapnap is trying to say. “Uhm, I really have no idea what you mean by that.”

“Well in person, you’re this shy kid who hates talking to people, Who’s introverted and everything, but like,” Sapnap takes a moment to think about the best way to explain his thoughts. “Online, you could make people see you however you want them to see you as. You could be this loud, annoying, cocky person who loves talking to people. They don’t know who you really are. Nobody will, except me of course.”

Clays mind tries to wrap around everything Sapnap just said. It makes sense, but could he really act like some completely different person? “Could I really be able to pull that off though? Just pretend to be someone who I want to be?” He voices.

“Well I mean, yeah. You just have to act like the person you want to be seen as. Shouldn’t be that difficult, people do it all the time. At job interviews and stuff like that. It’s a normal thing.” Sapnap shrugs. “You don’t have to pretend to be someone you don’t want to be, just pretend to be the person who you wish you were. I don’t know. Just think ‘bout it. It might make things easier for you tomorrow. But I’m going to go eat now. Goodnight man I’ll wake you up at 11 for recording.” He smiles and leaves the room, having no idea how he just completely fried Clays mind.

Clay tells him goodnight and lays back down in bed, pulling his phone out. Time to do some research. He thinks as he types BadBoyHalo into youtube, deciding to watch some of his videos.

He notes that Bad does not like cursing of any sort. When someone does he always yells “Language!” Not really a problem for clay, considering he’s not much one for bad words either. Bad seems like a sweet person, and easy to talk to. That doesn’t stop the small pings of insecurity stabbing his mind though. Bad is a nice looking person. He doesn’t have anything to worry about. Unless he’s just acting? 

In an attempt to move his mind to someone else, he searches up GeorgeNotFound into youtube. In a way, he starts to think that was a bad idea as he clicks on some clips from one of his streams. His face cam is in the corner of the video and Clay can’t help but think that this man is beautiful. He has a british act, Clay notes as he tries to focus on the video, forcing his eyes on the center of the screen, avoiding the corner, and avoiding his thoughts.

George also seems like a nice guy. It’s hard to read people based off of a couple of videos, but he hasn’t seen anything bad about either of the two guys. They don’t seem problematic, but he guesses he can decide everything when he talks to them tomorrow. He’s going to have to talk to them, and record a video with them. He shuts his phone off and throws his arm over his eyes as he tries to quiet his mind. Could he really pretend to be someone who he’s not? What would he act like anyways? Who does he wish he was? Thoughts keep running through his mind, even as he drifts off to sleep.

Clay opens his eyes to see himself standing outside. He brings his arms to his chest, shivering from the cold rain hitting his body. Looking around, he notices he's next to a playground. Trying to think about what’s so familiar about it, he walks towards the swings. He takes a seat on one of the swings and sees a small child playing with toy cars. He squints his eyes taking in the kids appearance. The only thing he really notices about the kid is the dark brown hair, and the red jacket they’re wearing. Clay gets up and walks over to the kid, wondering if he’s in trouble. This little boy shouldn’t be out this late in the freezing rain. 

“Hey are you okay? Are you lost? You shouldn’t be out here in the rain.” He says as he closes in on the kid. The boy stops playing with the plastic car and stands up, turning to face Clay. “Sapnap? What the heck?” He questions, taking a step back in confusion. Why is sap a little kid again? Why was he here? Sapnap starts to laugh as he runs towards Clay pulling him into a hug, his little arms wrapping around Clays waist. Clay lifts his arms up, scared of touching the little one. 

“Don’t you realize I’m only here because I feel like I have to be? I wish you’d just leave so I don’t have to worry about you all the time. All you do is bring me down. I could be doing so much better without you Clay.” Sapnap says, and when he looks up at Clay, his face is blurred out, smeared. 

Clay shoots up in his bed, sweating and chest heaving. He turns to look at the clock, seeing that it’s only 4 in the morning. He tried not to think too much about the dream he just had, telling himself it was just another nightmare. It’s always nightmares. He wishes he could dream for once, he thinks as he falls into another deep sleep.


	3. Faking it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay talks to some new people for once. Now he has to put his mask on and pretend.

Chapter 3

Faking it out

“Clay! Wake up already oh my gosh!” Sapnap yells as he pulls the blankets off of Clay. “We have work we need to do before we start recording. We have about an hour and a half.” He says as Clay groans and stuffs his face back into his pillow. Sapnap gives him a plate of breakfast that he made, and tells Clay to come into his room when he's done eating so they could get to work.

Clay sits up in his bed and starts to eat his breakfast as he scrolls through instagram on his phone, trying to wake up. About 15 minutes later, he’s done eating and he’s dressed and ready. Ready to make a fool of himself. He walks into Sapnaps room jumping onto his bed.

“K what do we need to do?” He questions, bouncing his leg up and down.

“Okay well since you want to be mysterious and don’t want anybody to know who you are, you need to come up with a new account and name and stuff.” Sapnap explains. “What do you want your name to be?” 

Clay thinks about it for a moment. The nightmare he had last night pops into his head and without much thought, he says “Dream.” Sapnap laughs at that but doesn’t say much about it. 

“Lets go to your room so we can get everything setup.” Sapnap gets up and heads towards Clays room, Clay not following far behind. 

Around 30 minutes later, they have everything worked out. “It’s going to be hard not saying your real name, I’m going to have to try to remember to call you dream now.” Sapnap says. “But we can always edit those parts out so don’t freak out. Are you feeling alright?” He questions, worried about the look he sees on Clays face. 

“Not really but not much I can do about it now. I think I’m going to take your advice on the pretending thing. It shouldn’t be that hard right?” Clay asks, wanting reassurance. His heart rate is way higher than it should be, and he tries his best to slow it down by taking deep breaths. 

“You’ll do great dude! Don’t overthink it, just be who you want to be. I’ll just act like I’m used to you acting like that so in a way we’ll both be acting. You won’t be alone.” Sapnap smiles at Clay. “Now get on discord and I’ll invite you to our call when they’re on Dream.” He laughs, making Clay roll his eyes. Sapnap gets up and goes back to his room, leaving Clay to do the last step. Choosing his minecraft skin. He decides to make it green, and just puts a white blob thing on it. Good enough he thinks as he finishes everything up. He gets on discord, seeing that Sapnap sent him an invite to join the server. He takes a deep breath and joins, not being able to control the sickness he felt in his stomach, and the way his heart raced. He takes one more breath before joining the call.

“Hello Dream!” Sapnap welcomes. “Bad and George, this is Dream, Dream this is Bad and George!”

“Hi Dream! Nice to meet you I’ve heard lots about you.” BadBoyHalo greets, sounding happy. 

“Dream! Great to finally meet you.” George says in his british accent. He can’t help but feel weird to be called Dream. It’s...different.

“Hi guys! Nice to finally meet you too!” Clay winces at how fake he sounded. His voice sounded so foreign to him.

Sapnap starts to make conversation, sadly centered around Clay. “So Dream, anything you want to tell them about yourself?” He asks.

Clay closes his eyes in annoyance but smiles and forces himself to answer. Be confident. Be loud. Be open. “Well I’m 22 and live with Sapnap. I also live off of his money. He’s my sugar daddy.” He tries to joke, getting laughs in response. The pang in his heart and stomach won't stop, but he tries his best to ignore the way his heart rate picks up everytime someone talks. “Sapnap won’t admit it though, he just tells himself he’s being a good friend.” He says, earning more laughs in response. The one that stands out the most is Georges. He doesn’t overthink it.

“Oh daddy Sapnap!” George jokes.

“Hey! Language!” Bad says but not being able to contain his laugh. “Bad, that isn’t even a bad word.” Sapnap argues.

“Whatever, be quiet Sapnap.” Bad replies. “Okay is everyone recording?” He asks.

They all say yes, and Clay speaks up. “Uhm well I’m recording but I’m not doing a facecam.” He says. Why was it so hard to get that sentence out?

George laughs at that. “Oh so you’re the mysterious type huh?”

“The mysterious guys are always the hot one.” Sapnap says, chiming in.

“In that case then yes I am mysterious.” Clay replies, getting a laugh out of Sapnap. “What’s so funny about that Sapnap?” He fakes being offended, making Bad let out a “ooooh.”

“Just the fact that you’re the ugliest guy I know. That’s all.” Sap jokes, hoping Clay can take this. Clay can’t really take it, but he acts like he can.

“Oh please, you’re only jealous that I’m way better looking than you. You’ve been in love with me since we were kids, don't lie to yourself babe.” Clay wheezes, not being able to hold it back. Everyone laughs at that while Clay tries to calm himself down. He can fake being cocky. It’s not that hard. 

“Oh sounds like Dreams a dreamboat.” Bad laughs at his own joke along with everyone else. “Can you guys all join the world? How are we doing this again?” He questions.

Clay joins the world they’re going to be playing on, listening to George explain everything. “Well Sapnap said he and dream are going to be a team, and me and you are going to try to hunt them down and stop them from beating the game.”

All of them get into a circle, and Clay decides to speak up. “If I’m being honest, you guys should just give up right now.” He says.

Badboyhalo smacks Clay's character, causing Clay to laugh. “What?” He wheezes. “It’s true! I’m like a professional at this game, and I even have a partner, this is going to be a piece of cake.”

“I ain’t going to lie, Dream is very good at this game, I’ve like, never been able to kill him and I’m pretty good at the game myself, that’s why I had him be my partner.” Sapnap says.

“Well then Dream, if you’re so good at the game then why not do it solo since it’ll be so easy.” George jokes with him, staring at Clays character. 

“Are we sure that’d be fair guys?” Bad questions, not wanting to make this too hard on someone he just met.

“Fine! You guys are on. Be prepared to lose.” Clay wheezes, shaking his head. He starts to run away, none of them being prepared yet they start to freak out.

“Guys chase after him! Don’t let him get wood!” George yells running after Clay. 

“Wait we’re actually starting?” Bad questions, starting to run too, right behind Sapnap.

Clay quickly makes the wood he got into planks and continues to run, not having much time to craft anything yet. He’s not really paying attention to what everyone is saying, trying to think of a way to escape the 3 people after him. He spots a ravine ahead of him, and sees that the 3 aren’t far behind him. He smiles as he has an idea. Clay sees the water down below, and jumps down.

“Dream jumped into the ravine! Get him!” Bad yells. 

Clay looks up and sees them about to jump down into the water. As they all jump down, right before they’re able to hit the water Clay places a bunch of wood planks down, blocking the water from them. Each one of them falls to their death, and they’re stunned in silence, the only one making any noise was Clay loudly wheezing, as he gets his wood back and starts to mine.

“Okay what the heck was that!” Sapnap laughs, rushing back to the ravine.

“Maybe it was a good idea to not give him a partner.” Bad says as he starts to gather wood.

“Oh so Dream wasn’t just being cocky.” George laughs as he joins bad into gathering materials.

Clay tries his best to focus on the game, determined to win now. He’s glad he has something to keep his mind on, so that he doesn’t overthink every little thing he says. Is he doing okay at talking to them? It doesn’t seem awkward or anything yet, and he tries his best to keep his loud cocky attitude up. Hopefully they’re buying this.


	4. Pushing Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay interacts with George. I'm not good with summary's lol sorry

Chapter 4

Pushing past

There is no way this was happening. Clay should definitely be dead by now, but somehow he was still alive. He’s managed to pull off insane moves, hoping that he’s impressed George and Bad. 

“I just don’t understand how you were even able to pull off the invis trick! Teach me your ways, Dream!” George begs to Clay, laughing. Clay wheezes and continues to build the end portal, dropping through it, surprising everyone. “Great now you’re at the end! This is unbelievable you’re making my ego so low Dream.”

“Dream can you like, not kill me when you see me. A truce for your bestie?” Sapnap asks, running with George and bad as they try to catch up to Clay.

Clay laughs telling Sap “No, you said I was ugly earlier and you’ve been trying to kill me this whole time dude!”

Sapnap lets out a gasp. “I never said you were ugly! I only recall saying how hot and sexy and fit you are Cl-Dream!” He catches before he slips up, trying to laugh it off.

Clay raises his eyebrows, glad Sapnap caught himself. 

“Oh so is Dream like actually hot and fit or is he just an ugly gamer?” George asks. “‘I’m sure our fans would love to know.”

“I’m definitely fit, I personally don’t know about hot though. Everyone has different definitions of hot. For example, some people find Sapnap hot, when he’s not.” Clay says, making himself wheeze and everyone else laugh. Except for Sapnap though.

“Uh I’m for sure hot dude. What’s your definition of hot anyways?” Sapnap tries to hit back.

Clay thinks before he responds. I’m supposed to have a cocky attitude right? He thinks. “George.” He says. Bad loses it once Clay says that, and so does Sapnap but George just stares at his screen in shock.

“You don’t even know me!” George laughs.

“I don’t need to know you to see that you’re hot.” Clay lets out a wheeze at that, trying to ignore how out of character that is for him. He wonders what Sapnap is thinking right now.

“He’s right there I see him!” Bad yells, and Clay turns around to see Bad and George running after him. “Come here Dream!” He taunts, George and him laughing while now chasing after Clay.

Clay uses an enderpearl to teleport behind them, catching them off guard and killing bad, causing Bad to scream at George to run, and George screaming for Sapnap to come help him. Clay can’t stop his wheezing as he screams “C'mere George!” 

He eventually wins the game, causing three boys to sigh in defeat, and Clay screaming that they all suck.

“Okay that’s it I’m deleting my youtube channel and you guys will never hear or see me again goodbye.” Bad says as he leaves the call and the game. Clays anxiety spikes at that. Did he really upset him? Hearing Georges and Sapnaps laugh he guesses it’s just for the video but he can’t help but feel bad in a way. Should he have let them win for their video? Was he a little too cocky?

“Oh my gosh he’s so dramatic!” Sapnap laughs. “Dream you should’ve kept your mouth shut so I could’ve been your partner.”

George is still laughing, having trouble catching his breath. Clay pictures George smiling, face red and chest heaving, out of breath. He ignores how that makes him feel. “We’ll definitely kill him next time, this was just a warm up. Yeah, a warm up. All for the jokes.” George tells sapnap. 

Next time? Clay wonders. It was hard enough for him to keep up this act for this long, could he even manage a next time? “Anyways,” George continues. “Dream I need to link you in my description, can you send me all your socials?” He asks. Clay panics for a second, not having prepared for this. He stutters when Sapnap chimes in and saves him. “He’ll send them to you later, he has to go get the pizza we ordered, it should be at the door by now.” Sapnap tells Clay.

“Oh yeah the pizza! Well this was fun, definitely something new to me but I had fun George. Thanks for letting me be in your video.” Clay thanks him as he leaves the game.

“I had fun too Dream It was really nice meeting you! Hopefully we can talk soon. You seem pretty cool. Plus I declare a rematch!” George jokes. Clay laughs and logs off quickly, not wanting to stay much longer. Not sure if he could’ve handled much longer if he’s being honest. Not even two minutes later Sapnap comes into his room, claiming how stupid they were for not making Clay fake accounts ahead of time. Sap helps him create his new accounts, and Clay makes his profile pictures on everything a picture of his cat. 

30 minutes later everything is set up and Sapnap leaves him alone finally to go actually order pizza. Clay pulls his phone out and gets on discord, preparing himself to message George.

“Hey! Here’s all my socials, sorry it took so long.” He types out and finally sends. It took him around 5 minutes of typing and deleting to decide on what to say to him. 

“Don’t worry about it lol. Btw you’re like really good at Minecraft, how come I’ve never heard of you before or anything? Like sap never says ur name he just refers to you as bestie or roommate lmao” George responds and Clay closes his eyes, thinking of a response.  
“Well I’m mysterious remember?” He sends back, hoping that doesn’t sound weird. His heart beats in his chest as he tries to keep up this act.

“Good point. Is that why you just made all of these accounts? In an attempt to be even more mysterious?” 

“Why do you ask so many questions? Are you interested in me or something?” Clay flirts. Before he could overthink what he just typed, he sent it. It's all an act. It’s not a big deal, he’s supposed to be this loud cocky guy. He has to keep up with all of that. It’s a couple minutes before he gets a response from George. 

“Lmao no I’m just trying to make conversation gosh. Are you always this flirty?” Clay laughs at the fact that he just asked him another question.

“Another question?” He types with a smile. “No actually I’m not usually this flirty, it’s just something about you.” He adds a wink at the end so that it doesn’t seem like he’s being that serious. Because he’s not. He’s just pretending to be the person that he wishes he was.

“Oh my gosh goodbye I have a lot of editing to do.”

Clay ignores the anxiety setting in his stomach, and closes the app not wanting to respond. It’s not a big deal anyways, It was just a friendly conversation. He’s just trying to make friends. Maybe he’s just not that good at doing it. He lays down in his bed and stares at the ceiling, thoughts running through his head. What will all the fans think about him? He won’t get that much attention from this right? Maybe they’ll just see him as a normal person and not think too much about him. He doesn’t have much to worry about right? It’s not like they know who he is in real life anyways. That was just a character. He gets up and leaves his room, going into the front room wanting to lay on the couch and watch Netflix. He puts on friends and eventually Sapnap joins him on the couch with the pizza that they ordered earlier. 

They sit in silence for a while as they eat, until Sapnap decides to break it. “It was so weird to see you like that today.” He says turning more towards Clay so that he could see his face. “You were so out there and loud! It was great to see you like that again.” Sap confesses. Clays heart clutches. He can’t remember the last time he acted like that. He doesn’t say anything in return, just gives a small smile and turns back towards the tv, not wanting to get into that conversation. He’s dealt with too much today already. Not the time to talk about the past. Sapnap seems to get the message as he continues to eat, and doesn’t push the subject any further. Clay falls asleep on the couch, the memories of today running through his mind. 

Clay finds himself back on the swing set of the playground from his last nightmare. He finds himself not minding the cold rain as much this time around, as he starts to swing his legs back and forth. Lifting his head up he faces the dark sky, and closes his eyes feeling the cold raindrops falling onto his face, which feel like tiny needles prickling his cheeks. He knows that not far away from him is a child, playing with tiny plastic cars, but the last time he went over there little Sapnap wasn’t that nice to him. Clay can’t help his curiosity though as he turns his head to look at him. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he realizes that it’s not Sapnap. He takes a closer look and realizes that it’s...him?

Without realizing it Clay stands up and starts to walk towards the younger him. “Why are you here?” He asks. Little Clay doesn’t stand up, instead just continues to look forward. 

“It’s scary at home. I like it better here.” Younger him says as he continues to play with his cars.

“But it’s cold out, you’ll get sick. You should go back home.” Clay decides to sit next to the younger him. He seems nicer than younger Sapnap was.

He hears the child laugh. “It’s more cold at home than it is out here. I feel warm and free here.”

“Free from what?” He asks. 

“I wish I were free from you.” Little Clay says. When the child turns to look at him, Clay gasps as he sees the kids face was blurry and weird like Sapnaps was. 

Clay jolts awake once again and sighs. Looking around his surroundings he realizes he’s in the living room and heads to his bed, missing the comfort of his sheets. He enters his room and flops onto his bed. Pulling his blankets up to his chest, he closes his eyes and wishes once again to have a dream for once. He’s sick of the endless nightmares and black voids. Although the black voids are always better than the nightmares.


End file.
